By Tali Rubinstein B.M. ’14
I don’t particularly like goodbyes.
When the time comes to part, maybe it’s better to forget and move on. Thinking about the past is agonizing in so many ways; reminiscing about what we lost (which is, effectively, all that’s in the past) is an empty rabbit hole.
I often warn people that I have a very bad memory—I forget most of the stories I’m told and much of the knowledge that I gain. It is very common for my friends to have to tell me the same story a few times (maybe even three or four), before I begin to familiarize myself with it: first time, they’re telling me a story I’ve never heard before; second time, they are still telling me a story I’ve never heard before; third time, they’re telling me a story that I’ve never heard before, but I can guess where it’s going; fourth time, oh yes, I think I might have heard this story once before.
I think that being a pessimist and and being an optimist can be two sides of the same object. Optimism is recognizing how precious and miraculous life is, and pessimism is realizing you cannot hold on to it.
Why do I have such a horrible memory? (I keep asking myself, forgetting I asked that question already)
Is it a deficiency or a defense mechanism?
If I forget something, I don’t really know it anymore, and if I don’t know it, I’m not attached to it. I can move on with my life, without having to worry about losing everything, all the time. Losing the memory of something enables me to lessen the experience of loss in everyday life.
Of course, the mechanism doesn’t work perfectly, because the deeply buried, almost inaccessible memories come back to visit me in my dreams. When they do, I might not remember what I dreamed about, but I would remember a sense of familiarity, closeness, sometimes brokenness.
I think that being a pessimist and and being an optimist can be two sides of the same object. Pessimism is fully acknowledging the cruelty of life, and optimism is deliberately looking away from that truth. Or, optimism is recognizing how precious and miraculous life is, and pessimism—realizing you cannot hold on to it.
Episode 7 is the last episode of Tali Jams New York. It is hard to say goodbye and go back to normal, forgetful life. I do want to cling to this memory just a bit longer.
Thank you all for reading my blog, for watching the series and for commenting and showing the love! This was a truly exciting ride.
Don’t forget to subscribe to our Youtube channel, so you can be the first to know when season 2 comes out!!! (You have no excuse. Your memory is good).
Watch Episode 7, “Sunny’s Bar”:
Tali Rubinstein, signed to the prestigious label Casa Limón is gaining international recognition by performing worldwide and breaking boundaries with a seemingly simple instrument—the recorder.
She has toured with legendary guitarist Paco de Lucía’ s original band; performed at prestigious venues such as Carnegie Hall, Jazz at Lincoln Center, and the Kennedy Center; and collaborated with top musicians such as Anat Cohen, Mariza, and Alejandro Sanz, among others. She is currently working on her debut album Mémoire, a collection of original songs she has composed and co-arranged.
- Raising the Roof: Reflections from Santa Fe, New Mexico - July 17, 2019
- Don’t Forget the Memory: ‘Tali Jams New York’ (Episode 7, Final) - March 8, 2019
- Bach for the Beasts: Berklee Performs at the Franklin Park Zoo - October 30, 2015